Borrowed the dog's medicine

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Robert Swotinsky MD
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Borrowed the dog's medicine

Post by Robert Swotinsky MD » Mon Jun 14, 2010 1:14 pm

I've written and spoken about borrowed medicines and positive drug tests. And, today I just came across a new twist on this:

The donor tests positive for phenobarbital. The donor's dog takes phenobarbital for seizures and the donor took two of the dog's phenobarbitals to help w/sleep a few nights before the test.

I've never had, or heard, of this explanation before. Borrowed perhaps from a Seinfeld episode:
Kramer's coughs, then walks off)

JERRY: Kramer, aren't you taking any medication for that?

KRAMER: Yeah, yeah. (Pulls a bottle out of his pocket) I got some pills. They taste terrible.

JERRY: (Takes the bottle from him) Just swallow 'em.

KRAMER: (Gestures to his throat) No, my throat's too tender.

JERRY: Alright, sit down, sit down. (Grabs a pill from the bottle, and starts advancing toward Kramer - like an owner with his dog)

KRAMER: I don't want to!

(Jerry forces Kramer onto the couch. Kramer resists violently - much like a dog would)

JERRY: C'mon. Just sit down!

KRAMER: (Squirming) Jerry! What?!

JERRY: Sit down! Sit down!

KRAMER: (Struggling) Hey!

JERRY: Lean your head back. Open your mouth! (Grabs Kramer's head) Open your mouth! Open it! Open it!

(Jerry forces the pill into Kramer's mouth, then holds Kramer's mouth shut for a few moments. Thinking Kramer's already swallowed it, he lets go. Instantly, Kramer spits the pill out into the air. Jerry sighs, giving up)

JERRY: (Reads the pill bottle) What kind of pills are these, anyways?! "For Smuckers"? "May cause panting and loss of fur"? (Turns to Kramer) These are dog pills!

KRAMER: We have the same symptoms.

JERRY: But, he's a dog! You need to see a real doctor.

KRAMER: No, no. No doctors.

JERRY: Alright.. (Heads for the door, grabbing his coat)

KRAMER: Where are you going?

JERRY: I'm taking the car. I gotta run some errands. You want to go?

KRAMER: I don't know..

JERRY: (Opens the door) C'mon, you wanna go for a ride? (Starts jiggling his keys - as if he's calling out for a dog) Huh? C'mon! C'mon!

(Kramer eagerly gets up and runs out the door. Jerry follows Kramer out)



DrSteve

Re: Borrowed the dog's medicine

Post by DrSteve » Mon Jun 14, 2010 2:31 pm

I had patients in the past who could not afford to see a doctor or buy prescription medications take OTC fish antibiotics for colds, sore throats, etc.

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